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Valley World: The Ratchet Diaries of STD/DatRatchetDrama
#DatRatchetDrama is the sixth episode of Valley World: The Ratchet Diaries of STD. After hanging out with Jenna, Deandra reinvents herself as a slut, but Sofrita isn't having none of that. Tanedra is approached by Detective Lee Kaybaum to investigate something. After fighting with Masked Barbie, Consuela gets tired of this bullshit and tries to figure out who's the killer, and ends up finding some new evidence. Episode SCENE 1 Sofrita's in her bedroom trying to fall asleep, but suddenly she hears something downstairs. SOFRITA: '''Connie? Tf just happened? '''CONSUELA: OUCH THIS FUCKING BULLSHIT Sofrita gets out of her bedroom and sees the Masked Barbie attacking Consuela. CONSUELA: Oh you tryna fuck with me I'm Consuela you little bitch show me all ya got The Masked Barbie stabs her in the stomach, and Sofrita screams loudly as the Masked Barbie escapes. Sofrita goes downstairs trying to help Consuela. CONSUELA: I... I don't... get... paid enough for... this bullshit. SOFRITA: Connie, are you OK? CONSUELA: I've been stabbed in the fucking stomach gurl whatcha think? SOFRITA: Should I call a doctor? CONSUELA: Hurry... SOFRITA: Siri, call a hot doctor CONSUELA: 911 STUPID BITCH SOFRITA: Oh, um... Siri, call 911 CONSUELA: Ugh, oh god... I see the light SOFRITA: gurl u betta run the fuck away from the light CONSUELA: I feel like I... Can let go... Consuela drops dead. SOFRITA: consuelAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME.... PLEASE... NOT YOU TOO CONSUELA: HAHA BITCH I GOT YOU SOFRITA: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA CONSUELA: Oh I got you good tho SOFRITA: Dont... Dont do that... Again... Sofrita starts crying. The camera zooms in on her but she punches the camera. SOFRITA: WHY CANT THAT BITCH JUST DIE ALREADY CONSUELA: Honey I swear on my robbed icon mama's grave that I'm gonna find out whoever's doing this to yall SOFRITA: Th-thank you... SOFRITA (returns to normal): NOW GO GET ME A FUCKING DRINK BITCH CONSUELA: Just as I fucking thought SCENE 2 Cafeteria time. Sofrita and Tanedra are looking for Deandra. SOFRITA: yo where the fuck did that bitch went TANEDRA: idfk i think shes dying Suddenly Deandra shows up on school with revealing slutty clothes. TANEDRA: guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurl what the fuck DEANDRA: omg hi SOFRITA: bitch tf u doing in dat? does ur jesus approve? DEANDRA: OMGOD THAT JESUS STUFF EW LAME IM AN ATHIEST NOW CONFESSIONALS SOFRITA: AND IM MELANIA TRUMP DEANDRA: So lemme explain. Recently me and Jenna have been hanging out JENNA'' (voice)'': OMG BITCH YAS DEANDRA: And she's shown me like who the f gives a fucking shit about "omg im a christian whos being stalked and almost murdered" like thats soooooo 1954 right right right yas kwen right so now fuck jesus he can suck the fuck out of my dick because this deandra is gon slurp the dick SOFRITA: Liek I know I'm probably the most iconic out of all of these bitches but who the fuck gave that bitch the right to immitate me? dont u need like a warrant or something gtfo. everyone knows that sucking wild dick is MY thing, and if that bitch wants to steal my identitits, shes gonna have to pass thru me first. TANEDRA: omgosh ive been noticing some tension right and im like bitch when u fighting but that masked barbie hoe keeps killing everyone and delaying my catfights like gurl i get that u wanna kill us but D R A M A. like i love both sofrita and deandra but JK i dont i dont have a soul. hehe CONFESSIONALS OFF SOFRITA: are you fucking shitting me? DEANDRA: well you do look like a toilet. HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA IM SO CLEVVER FUCK YOU HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH GO SUCK MY DICK SOFRITA: Deandra... You're fucking desperate DEANDRA: bitch sorry bitch what? SOFRITA: You think you're better now that you're acting like me? Grow the fuck up like ew. You're more desperate than Tanedra TANEDRA: um thats uncalled for SOFRITA: '''girl dont lie ur fucking desperate '''DEANDRA: Shut your ugly trap you adopted piece of shit SOFRITA: WELL UR AN ADOPTIVE PIECE OF SHIT SO HOW BOW U SUCK MY HOE DICK TANEDRA: YAS DRAMA SOFRITA: TANEDRA SHUT THE FUCK UP DO U WANT ME TO CUT U TOO DEANDRA: ADMIT IT SOFRITA YOU ARE JUST A DUMBASS LITTLE HOE WHO HAS NOTHING BETTER ELSE TO DO THAN TO DO BREAKDOWN YOUTUBE VIDEOS SOFRITA: AND YOU ARE A HYPOCRITICAL LITTLE CUNT WHO ACTS LIKE SHE LOVES JESUS SO SHE HAS AN EXCUSE FOR HER SAD NON EXISTANT LOVE LIFE DEANDRA: OH BITCH N*GGAS SOFRITA: IM HALF BLACK AND IM TRIGGERED Deandra and Sofrita start fighting as everyone in the school starts recording and laughing. ERMA: Hmm haha... pretty soon these valley girls will get murdered... and then Willow's death will be avenged... right Ellise? Ellise howls like a wolf. CONFESSIONALS ELLISE: I'm pretty sure all of you are wondering like, Ellise what have you been up to? Well recently spiritually I discovered that I'm an otherk-- CONFESSIONALS OFF While they are still fighting, Detective Lee Kaybaum comes in and pulls Tanedra's hand. DETECTIVE LEE KAYBAUM: I need to talk to your bitch ass TANEDRA: but theyre fighting bitch let me DETECTIVE LEE KAYBAUM: '''It's serious, it's about the murders cmon SCENE 3 Daphne is washing the dishes while she hums the Real Housewives theme song, when suddenly Consuela shows up in her house. '''DAPHNE: omg you scared me consuela... aren't you supposed to be in the hospital? CONSUELA: Bitch I don't give a fuck about my wounds if a fucking ratchet ass hoe is trying to kill my girls DAPHNE: Your... girls? CONSUELA: Yeah I'm Sofrita's legal guardian did you forget you dumb bitch DAPHNE: Oh... right CONSUELA: tf goes through that mind of yours DAPHNE: I don't know... I mean my husband's last words while he got shot by terrorists was "Shut the fuck up you lil ass hoe and get me some help" and then he bled out because I couldn't find a phone. CONSUELA: But your house is filled with pho-- DAPHNE: CHANGING THE SUBJECT... So what are you here for? CONSUELA: Look I think we both know that that Jenna bitch is real shady DAPHNE: Oh yeah definetly CONSUELA: which is why... we need to investigate her DAPHNE: omg for real? im not trained tho, the only skill i have is housewife work CONSUELA: GURL YOUR DAUGHTER IS CHANGING HERSELF OVER THIS DUMB BLIND BITCH IF YOU DONT HELP HER SHE MIGHT IDK DIE DAPHNE: ...and your point is? CONSUELA: Bitch what DAPHNE: Let's face it, we both know she wants me dead so... maybe her dying is a beneficial thing and we could all could benefit from that CONSUELA: ...She's your daughter you little bitch. But fine, I'll help her, because I'm an actual human being who doesn't purposefully let my husbands bleed out to death Consuela leaves the house. CONFESSIONALS DAPHNE: I'd never let my husbands bleed out to death I'm a pure cinnamon roll CONFESSIONALS OFF Daphne keeps washing the dishes when suddenly she hears footsteps. DAPHNE: CONSUELA I AM DOING HOUSE WORK I CANT HELP YOU WITH-- Daphne turns around and sees the Masked Barbie behind her. MASKED BARBIE: REST IN PAIN HOE The Masked Barbie grabs Daphne by the neck and strangles her until she's dead. SCENE 4 Consuela arrives at Laci Green's house. She rings the doorbell. LACI: OMG, hi Consuela, what's up? CONSUELA: You got some time? I need to talk to you about Jenna LACI: Oh, you mean Jenna Hamilton? CONSUELA: Yeah LACI: Well make yourself at home... I was just about to finish a video on my YouTube channel. It's called "lacigreen" CONSUELA: bitch i didnt ask for your life story LACI: ok CONSUELA: So what do you know about Jenna? LACI: I mean, she was already involved with that reality TV contest as an executive producer... That's pretty much all I know about her... I don't think she's shady at all. CONSUELA: You do realize that the bitch saved Deandra from torture out of nowhere, right? LACI: I honestly have no idea, I mean it's not like I'm a detective... CONSUELA: Neither am I but I'm the fucking Sherlock of the show so LACI: Well... I mean... I do remember something... But I didn't think much of it at the time. So, Jenna has been... Kind of suicidal. And she has this blog... Maybe you could check out her blog? Maybe there's some clues in there. CONSUELA: ok whatevs. Thank you for the info. LACI: Oh you're welcome, Consuela. Would you also be interested in-- Consuela leaves before Laci can finish her sentence. SCENE 5 Consuela arrives home to find Sofrita making her 100th breakdown video. SOFRITA: AND SHES LIKE SOOOO COPYING ME LIKE WHO EVEN DOES THAT... MY LIFE IS SO FUCKED LIKE RYAN SEACREST IS WISHING HE COULD BE THE EXECUTIVE PRODUCER OF MY REALITY SHOW DUE TO THIS DRAMA CONSUELA: ill talk to her later... I need to focus on tracking down this dumb bitch. Consuela does computer stuff. She finds Jenna's blog and reads the newest entry: May 24th, 2016. So liek what... 3 or 4 years ago? Consuela calls someone. CONSUELA: Hey random kid hacker... I heard about your skills. Track me down Jenna Hamilton. RANDOM KID HACKER: BITCH NUH UH IM THUG LIFE I NEED SOMETHING IN RETURN N*GGA F*GGOT GAY ASS VOICE CONSUELA: Ill give you a kit kat RANDOM KID HACKER: OH FUCK YES MY NIPPLES ARE HARD BUT NOT IN A GAY WAY YOU FUCKING FAGÓT The kid tracks down Jenna Hamilton and tells Consuela the info. CONSUELA: oh. my. god. no fucking way, are you serious? RANDOM KID HACKER: OFC I AM NOW WHERE IS MA KIT KAT CONSUELA: HA YOU JUST GOT PLAYED SUCKER The kid begins screaming for his mommy and Consuela hangs up. CONSUELA: So you're telling me this bitch is-- Consuela's talking out loud is interrupted by someone. It's Jenna and Deandra hanging out together, and Deandra is crying tears of joy. DEANDRA: OMG BITCH GUESS WHAT? YOU CAN TELL THAT BITCH SOFRITA TO STOP BEING SUCH AN ATTENTION WHORE! TOTALLY & RAD! JENNA: literally CONSUELA: omg jenna you little-- DEANDRA: ANYWAYS BITCH, GUESS WHAT? MY MOM WAS FOUND DEAD IN MY HOUSE! AND SHE WAS KILLED BY THAT BARBIE WEIRDO! I GUESS LIFE DOES HAVE ITS SHARE OF GOOD MOMENTS, AFTER ALL! And it's all thanks to my guardian angel! JENNA: Aww thank you boo CONSUELA: Listen to me bitch Consuela grabs Jenna. CONSUELA: I know what you're doing... And when I finally reveal it to the whole world... Just know that your ass is grass! K bye hoes, and Deandra if you keep that shit up, don't you ever bother showing up ever again you stupid ass white hoe! Consuela shuts the door on Deandra and Jenna's faces. DEANDRA: what did she even mean by that JENNA: I... I don't know.... um... LETS GET SLUTTY DEANDRA: OH MY GOD BITCH YASSS FINAL SCENE Detective Lee Kaybaum is driving the car as Tanedra keeps checking the Twitter feud between Sofrita and Deandra. CONFESSIONALS TANEDRA: I kid you not, Deandra just changed her profile pic to her hugging her new vibrator. This is fucking goals CONFESSIONALS OFF Both of them arrive at an abandoned warehouse. TANEDRA: ew this is a poor people place DETECTIVE LEE KAYBAUM: k lets go bitch Both of them enter the warehouse. Tanedra looks at the place when suddenly the detective locks the door. TANEDRA: um wtf why are you locking the door DETECTIVE LEE KAYBAUM: '''HA YOU FELL RIGHT INTO MY TRAP '''TANEDRA: wait wha Detective Lee Kaybaum grabs Tanedra by the neck and looks for a place to hang her. DETECTIVE LEE KAYBAUM: Guess what bitch? You were right. I am Deandra's bio mom. And I'm here to set the record straight for you dumb bitches and teach all of you dumb whores a lesson. TANEDRA: GET... OFF... ME... Tanedra struggles to breathe as suddenly the room goes dark. Detective Lee Kaybaum screams and suddenly lets go Tanedra, as someone laughs. TANEDRA: WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENI-- Teandra gets knocked out. Some time after, Tanedra wakes up. She's in a Saw like room. She sees Detective Lee Kaybaum on the other side of the room. A monitor is on the left. Suddenly it turns on and it's Masked Barbie. MASKED BARBIE: HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Can you guess what I'm about to do to you bitches now? MUAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH Category:Valley World: The Ratchet Diaries of STD Episodes